I saw a very long post on LinkedIn, where one of my mutual connections has written (with minute details) of how “HE” was playing the second fiddle to his working wife while working from home.
According to his post, the guy was doing the dishes and (will you believe it) preparing the meals as well! He felt proud and happy that he is shouldering the responsibility and through detailed pictures, Whatsapp status messages, and LinkedIn- was trying to “motivate” others to do the same.
One basic question comes to my mind- your family, your home- why is it that you feel “proud” of doing your work? I feel the answer is simple- the so-called millennials are yet to overcome the “patriarchal” setup, where the “Man” remains alpha. He is, therefore, “helping” out the lady in “her” work- and thus feels a need to publish this to the world. The “Man” is still the breadwinner of the family (irrespective of how much the lady earns) and will remain so- and because of the situation is helping out the lady, which thus should be classified as “special effort”, worth feeling proud about.
This is of course wrong- but what is more alarming is when I saw the social media status of some female colleagues as well. The same story continued there as well, where the “Man” was again being put on a pedestal for helping. There is something seriously wrong with this concept. What is it that makes the guys more worthy of appreciation or effort! I can still understand when the lady is not working- she has time on her hands and CAN become responsible for the household chores. So when both are working, why is it that still the responsibility largely remains with the lady? When will we (and calling out to all men here), step out of the patriarchial breadwinner mindset and own up!
On average it takes about 2 hours to finish the household chores (lockdown learning!). The same work can so easily be divided among the family members and be done in lesser time without causing any fatigue. Why is then, that the lady needs to be doing most of the work, while the guy simply gets away with “I can't do it”, “I don’t know” or the worst one: “I won't do it”! My humble request, kindly stop seeing the housework as an additional responsibility or as a favor you are doing- it's your work! The day this “I am helping her” feeling is replaced by “it’s my job” feeling- that is when we will truly have moved out of this patriarchal setup and finally start respecting our women.
Leaving you with a thought- stop posting things on Whatsapp/LinkedIn and start doing more. Remember the lady who was doing this for the past umpteen years of your life- and remember the lady who is still doing this while you sit reading a random blog. Go- do your work! I am going too.
The author's views are personal only.
